Now when I finally got rid of necessity to bottle up my feelings I can easily give vent to frustrations.
I've almost worked myself into a state about training. It was my fault: instead of enjoying special treat, I've been looking into the possibilities of extra physical pressures. At the very beginning I'd been doomed to an inevitable failure. I thought: "If I keep going things will certainly change for the better". However, I didn't understand that I’d only increased my stress levels. Such a laughable idea to train hard after coming out of hospital! Such a harebrained scheme! But in fact I'm likely to run into formidable challenges and tough problems.
On the other hand, circumstances left me with little alternative. I was extremely impatient to wait. I've got accustomed to train like guys do and this time my strong personal motivation and great sense of purpose turned me away from the acceptable training course.
Now my mental and physical health is getting beyond a joke. I suppose I should admit defeat. Well, I'd set it up and I've lost. To be honest, I'd very slim chances to succeed against the odds.
I see no other way but to stop training for at least two weeks.